So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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