i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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