Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
