mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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