My brain says no but my pants say off.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
