oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
