Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bring me that man meat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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