i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
