You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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