i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
