I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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