remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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