So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're so nebulous sometimes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
