he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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