im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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