we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
