I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
