Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
