It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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