I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
