is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
