My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i drank out of a bidet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
