So drunk its hurt
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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