I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
