Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
