I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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