Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
