An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
