If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
