Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
