If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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