I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
