I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
