May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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