I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
