I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
