If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
