Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
