apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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