Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
