C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
