STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
