The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
