the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
