shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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