I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
