remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
