Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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