its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
