She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
