Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
