I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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