last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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