Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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