Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
