Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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