If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drake has all the answers
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
