my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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