So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
