my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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