Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
