I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
