woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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