He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
