he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
