they said they heard you say put it in my butt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
