none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
