Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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