Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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