Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
