Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
