this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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