the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
