So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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