i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
