Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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