I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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