She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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