that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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