Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize