I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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