I look better un-naked...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Vodka?
Forever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
