Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this beer tastes like vomit already
even my farts smell like vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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