bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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