Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
