hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
