I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
