Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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