so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
