What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
