We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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