you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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