are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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