You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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